Tuesday, August 24, 2010

innocent mind twisted into a nightmare.

so i was innocently looking for the computer cord that you hid. well looking i found things i wish i never did. i looked in your drawer. and i found my notebook. my notebook that had my life in it. my life poured on those 350 pages. my life written down in black ink. you read it. you read every secret i had. you knew exactly what i thought. you lived my life through the pages of that book. i read through my notebook again reading it made me think how you'd read it. i flipped through all the crumpled pages and found add-ins. other papers you'd FOUND in my room MY room. i looked at them.

a note from mauricio.. god i hate you sometimes, a note from julia.... i dont understand you sometimes, a letter i wrote to you when i was at the hosptial.... did you know certain things aren't supposed to be read sometimes, and a letter i wrote to marcella... i hope you know how much u hurt me sometimes.

reading these i felt even more hurt and betrayed not just that you'd read them, but that you took them and you kept them. THERE NOT YOURS.

then i looked a little further through your drawer a little bit more curious now to what i would find. i found a book for people who's husband or wife have had an affair. i thought u had cheated on mom. im so confused now. then i looked a little further and found something / something's that scarred my eyes for life. i dont know how i can look at you now.

then dont worry when i looked a little bit further i found what i was looking for.. my innocent search for the computer cord turned into me sprawled across your bed bawling into my hands, making a frantic call to nemo. in turn just giving up. you just lost all of my respect.

i can't believe you. i really can't.

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