my head is a mess

dear___,
you might not read this. and that's ok. i don't expect you to give me any time from your day.
but listen closey. because i have something to say to you.
i miss you. i really do. but at the same time i don't miss you one bit.
we've been friends for awhile. but not true friends.
you never made me a better person. only worse.
you cheered me up sometimes. by bringing others down. which just doesnt sound right.
you stood up for me. but it felt like you were standing up for your self.
i believe you cared about me once in awhile. but more about everyone else.
i told you everything. but i started to hide things.
worrying that you probably told the world.
and i know it upsets you that i'm friends with her. and she's not friends with you.
that we've abanoned you.
but the truth is you abanoned us. so long ago.
you stopped caring about our feelings.
and what i was always so scared of. was what you said.
behind my back.
and there is so much more i wish i could share.
but i'll leave it at this.
my head is a mess.