day 10

6 things you cant live without

1. a boy by my side (i know we've worked so hard for feminist rights.. but its true)
2. my best friend
3. burts bee's in my pocket
4. china <3
5. reeses peanut butter cups
6. family

were such good friends. but somehow it feels like im falling for you. slowly falling for you. but god i hope im wrong.

Day 8

a recent picture of you

Day 7

one thing you want to tell someone



talking to you is the biggest challenge i've ever had to face. you scare me. you terrify me. but i love you with all my heart. and i wish you could trust me. and i wish i would give you a reason to.

Day 6

the hardest thing you've had to do

well the hardest thing i had to do, was get the guts and go to the childrens hospital for help. i knew i needed it, i knew it would help. but i didnt have the courage to. and i didnt have the courage to stay. i wanted to run away i couldnt stand that place. i couldnt stand not being allowed to wear my own clothes and having to wear those gross cotton robes that let my whole back show. i couldnt stand the crazy people there. the rules ate me alive. the noise, the anger, the sadness rushed through me like 100 tons of bricks. i couldnt breath, i couldnt eat, i couldnt sleep, i couldnt function. you need smiles, friends, family, and laughs to survive. well i was there all i got was cold stares, safety scissors, and plastic food, the crazy people telling me to smile in such a crap place,and medication . the hardest thing i've ever had to do... to try and stay sane in such a crazy place.

Day 5

a letter to your bestfriend

________,
We aren’t existing together or in like galaxies. Where yours is, that land illicit to mine. Yours is polluted from late night escapades. Whose origin began when you decided to chug goblets of juice from the stars to get high. Soon enough, foul secrets were being slurred into vanilla scented necks inside dark closets, with only memories and raw hips as witness. but, baby girl, you have to stop growing up so fast. Your delirious. And although the façade’s I carry, have sung me hymns of emotions I share with victims I cannot touch. You are one of them, I cannot touch you. but if i could protect from everything i would. but i will just hold your hand through it all. i will be your sidekick.but i must tell you dearest ,im hiding in the pocket of your coat. you just havent noticed me yet. i am slowly combusting. Exploding like millions of packaged pop rocks. I have found a new pastime and it's destroying me. My golden mane is loosing its shine and my iris’s are loosing their sparkle. Oh dear bella i am your very own supernova.




-some of this was copied from the amazing celeste-

Day 4

describe my mood.

thats an interesting one.... my mood is well im having a melt down.
im confused, hurt, scared, nervous, worried, upset, excited, happy, wrecked, depressed, furious, pissed out of my mind, fed up!

my mood = bitchfuck :)

logan i cant believe you did this to me. i honestly thought you were different. i thought you cared. i thought i could trust you. i thought you would be worth being one of the two guys i would date this year. well let me tell you something. you werent!

dakota really? when did you get this low? i thought i knew you so well. i guess not. fuck it im so done with you. im so done pretending it doesnt bug me. were done. ok?

Day 3

Boyfriends. 1 pro, 1 con.

1.Christian. Pro: he knew how to make me smile. Con: he had the worst temper.
2.Troy. Pro: he was cute and innocent. Con: he was shy
3.Mauricio. Pro: he knew me, he understood me. Con: he could see right through me, he took advantage of that.
4.Keegan. Pro: he was fun to be with, he was protective. Con: he smelt like pickles.
5.Jake. Pro: ____ nothing. Con: he was shy and not fun!
6.Peyton. Pro: he was open to me, he was fun. Con: he felt me down every single class!
7.Donovan. Pro: he was fun to be with, he always knew the right thing to say. Con: he wanted action 24/7.
8. Nick L. Pro: he wanted to take it slow. Con: he wanted to take it too slow.
9.Logan. Pro: he is so funny, and awesome to hang out with. Con: he NEVER talks to me.

day 2

describe my relationship status.... hmm well thats a toughie
let me think.
well i like this guy logan armstrong. well im dating him.
and he treats me like dirt, and we never talk at school, and we used to hang out every weekend. now i just dont exist. and yeah i know i dont really try to talk to him or anything. but i keep convincing myself if he wanted to talk to me he would. i mean he would at least try. i dont bite! and well i really like him and i keep thinking that it still might work out if i dont give up. but really i know deep down its going no where.
then theres brenden hansen and he's cute and he likes me a lot and he treats me like gold. and well he wants to date me.

yeah what now?

so to answer day 2's question my relationship status = bitchfuckshitasscunt. <3

day 1

1. i trust too easily
2. i always, always, ALWAYS have feelings for two guys
3. my best friend is lauren nicole sheets
4. my favorite food/candy is reese's peanut butter cups
5. im obsessed with vera wang and nina rici perfume
6. my favorite colour is mint
7. my first kiss, real kiss was with mauricio in grade 7
8. my mom is a crazy person! but i love her with all my heart.
9. i love rain
10. the only thing that can make me happy when nothing else can is dance

25 day challenge

1. photo of you along with 10 facts
2.describe your relationship status
3.past boyfriends, list one pro one con
4.describe your mood
5.a letter to your bestfriend
6.the hardest thing you've ever had to do
7.one thing you want to tell someone
8.a recent picture of you
9.your picture of the day
10. 6 things you cant live without
11.5 things that make you mad
12.what makes you smile
13.how do you feel about yourself
14.something your ashamed of
15.first relationship
16.your life story in 3 words
17. list 5 imperfections/flaws
18.empty your backpack take a picture of its contents
19.post a random picture from today, explain
20.time to get ready for school, post a picture of all your supplies
21.biggest fear when it comes to relationships
22.picture of you and your best friend
23. bad habit you have
24. ex best friend - why are you no longer friends?
25. letter to an ex boyfriend

dirty little secrets

and i'm still lying to you.
i'm still lying to myself.

my lips are a mess, when they touch yours. you turn me into a fool.

im so confident, and feel so experienced, and i'm never nervous.

but when i get around you, it feels like

your my first kiss,

the first person to ever touch me. and butterflies overcome me.

thats why i like you, you make me feel new again.

i can be having the shittiest day, but i know i can turn to you, and my day will be insantly all better. dance.

and trust me i know how you feel, how it is to be lonely. its shitty. it really is, just know i understand i still feel lonely in a crowded room. I feel lonely everytime i talk to mauricio and christian and know that they 'get' me more then our guy friends, that i trust them more. but none of you approve of them. And i would never admit this to your face but i felt lonely without you there on saturday, your my sidekick. were a team. and whenever you feel left out talk to me. because i wont bite, i might not have the best advice, or comforting comments, but i can tell you that i love you and ill always be here.

i'll wait till we figure this out. i wont give up on us i know we will fix it over time. we have to.

I want this year to be different.

i want to make a difference, i wanna change. I got asked to do the new student lunch, got recognized by 2 people for the leadership retreat, and have honors with highest distinction. i just want to keep it up i want this year to be a good one. I want to aim higher, set goals and achieve them. My boyfriend is amazing he's popular, hilarious, cute and so sweet. I cant let these distractions get in my way, i always do. But this year is going to be different, i'm not going to let it happen! I just can't.

i love harry potter

dear celeste you are amazing.

what the fuck am i doing?

lovely bones

so self concious

why cant i have a higher metabolism
why cant i weigh a little less
why dont i have a flat stomach
why am i so self concious
i dont eat as much as i should
i dont feel as confident as everyone else
i dont like people seeing me without my oversized sweater on
i dont feel good in my own skin
is god there? could he make me skinnier
is there a way i could see my ribs without sucking in?
is there an end to hating bikinis?


i'm determined to love my body.

dearest sienna,
i miss you. we used to be best friends. i used to tell you everything, EVERYTHING. we went through everything together. you stuck around when no one else did. you stayed up on the phone with me for hours when i needed someone to talk to even if it was just to plan out what i would wear the next day. i miss your hugs. i miss your smiles. and i know it was my fault we fell apart but i miss everything about us being friends. i miss coming to your house and going on shopping trips to walmart where i always bought something way to big for me to finish (kool-aid, crackers, big pack of chocolate) and you never laughed at me you laughed with me, i miss talking to you about boys you always understood, i miss talking to you about my numerous sex kittens, i miss go crazy hyper and being myself around you! because we were best friends, sisters at the least. and now we are silly acquaintances we say hello in the halls but i dont know anything about you anymore. and when logan asked me out you were the first person i wanted to call. but you found out when i was talking to allie... i miss you. that is all. i miss you like crazy. it feels like half of me is gone.

oh babe

i wish i could stop looking at my watch
i want to stop my mind from thinking about you
but i know there is nothing i can do.
i'm in like with you.
and i wish you were a better boyfriend to me
i want you to be there all the time
but i know there is nothing i can do.
i'm in like with you
i wish i had the power to break up with you or to turn you around
i want you to stop ignoring me. i want to stop caring
but i know there is nothing i can do.
nothing at all.
because i'm in like with you

what if i like you again...

i should think before i drink

i am 47% of a virgin to life

Start at 100% and subtract 1% for everything you’ve done. At the end, re-post this as I am % of a Virgin at Life.

1. Smoked.

2. Drank alcohol

3. Cried when someone died.

4. Been drunk.

5. Had sex.

6. Been to a concert.

7. gotten/given a handjob.

8. gotten/given a blowjob.

9. Been verbally/sexually harassed.

10. Verbally/sexully harassed somebody.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 92%


11. Felt someone up and/or been felt up.

12. Laughed so hard something came out of your nose.

13. Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfrend before.

14. Been cheated on by a boyfriend/girlfriend.

15. Been to prom.

16. Cried at school.

17. Gotten lost in a WalMart or a department store.

18. Went streaking.

19. Given or receieved a lap dance.

20. Had someone of the opposite sex in your room.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 86%

21. Had someone of the opposite sex sleep over.

22. Slept over at someone of the opposite sexs house.

23. Kissed a stranger.

24. Hugged a stranger.

25. Went scuba diving.

26. Driven a car.

27. Gotten an x-ray.

28. Hit by a car.

29. Had a party.

30. Done serious drugs.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 82%

31. Played strip poker/darts.

32. Got paid to strip for someone.

33. Run away from home.

34. Broken a bone.

35. Eaten sushi.

36. Bought porn.

37. Watched porn.

38. Made porn.

39. Had a crush on someone of the same sex.

40. Been in love.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 79%

41. French kissed.

42. Laughed so hard you cried.

43. Cried yourself to sleep.

44. Laughed yourself to sleep.

45. Stabbed yourself.

46. Shot a gun.

47. Trash talked someone and then acted like their best friend the next day.

48. Been online for 9 consecutive hours.

49. Watched TV for 9 consecutive hours.

50. Watched an animal die.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 73%

51. Watched a person die

52. Kissed and/or messed around somewhere with at least 1 person present.

53. Pranked somebody

54. Put somebody in the hospital.

55. Snuck into someones room and/or your own room after being out.

56. Kissed somebody of the same sex.

57. Dressed punk.

58. Dressed goth.

59. Dressed preppy.

60. Been to a motocross race.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR; 69%

61. Avoided somebody.

62. Been stalked.

63. Stalked someone.

64. Met a celebrity.

65. Played an instrument.

66. Ridden a horse.

67. Cut yourself.

68. Bungee jumped.

69. Ding dong ditched somebody.

70. Been to a wild party.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 62%

71. Got caught stealing something.

72. Kicked/punched a guy in the balls.

73. Stolen a boyfriend/girlfriend from a friend.

74. Gone out with your friends crush.

75. Got arrested.

76. Been pregnant.

77. Babysat.

78. Been to another country.

79. Started your house on fire.

80. Had an encounter with a ghost.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 59%

81. Donated your hair to cancer patients.

82. Been asked out by someone that you never thought you’d be asked out by.

83. Cried over a member of the opposite sex.

84. Had a boyfriend/girlfriend for over or 3 months.

85. Sat on your butt all day.

86. Ate a whole carton of ice cream all by yourself.

87. Had a job.

88. Gotten cut from a sports team.

89. Been called a whore.

90. Danced like a whore

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 51%

91. Been mistaken for a celebrity.

92. Been in a car accident.

93. Been told you have beautiful eyes.

94. Been told you have beautiful hair.

95. Raped somebody.

96. Danced in the rain.

97. Been rejected.

98. Walked out of a restaurant without paying.

99. Punched someone/slapped someone in the face.

100. Been raped.

PERCENTAGE: 47%

this is my kinda day

“I’m calling cause I need you.You know I need you so desperately.You know how bad I can get,And you know, how good I can be.I’m calling just to tell you,Get here and I’ll make it worth your while.I can make you some food.Boy, and then I can make you smile.”

“This is the last time you say,After the last line you break,It’s not even a holiday,Nothing to celebrate.You give a hundred reasons why,And you say you’re really gonna try.If I had a nickel for everytime,I’d overbank.Thought that I was the exception,I could have rewrite your addiction,You could’ve been the greatest,But you’d rather get wasted.”

dont freak i dont feel this way now. but this is one of the best descriptions i've ever heard for depression. it makes me feel a lot less left out.

“People think depression is about being sad. They think it’s just when you ‘feel down’. It’s not. It’s like a darkness that creeps over you and fills you. It drains all your emotions. It takes everything from you, and leaves you feeling hollow and numb. It’s not sadness, it’s not anger, it’s hopelessness. Imagine waking up and there being no colour. Walking outside and feeling no wind. Eating a meal and tasting nothing. Holding somone and feeling completely alone at the same time. When you’re depressed, it’s not a bad mood. It’s a numb, empty, hollowness that seems to never leave. It’s feeling alone in a room full of people. You feel like there’s no hope left.”

I LOVE LAUREN NICOLE SHEETS

and were hypocrites. im a hypocrite.
i say all these girls are sluts when i do the same things as them.
who am i to judge?

i. hate. you.

i never knew a person could make me feel physically sick before.
i didn't know how much you hurt me till i saw you
i felt ashamed and embarassed.
i couldn't look at myself in the mirror. from disapointment
i cant believe i let you in, like i did.
i cant believe i let you do what you did.
and most of all i cant believe that i had the fucking courtesy to wave back at you. to use my manners.
i almost started crying. my head was pounding. i felt nausicous. and my hands were shaking. i felt like i couldnt walk.
why did i ever let you take advantage of me like that? and why the fuck am i still nice to you?

i miss your hugs and i miss your voice.
maybe just maybe, you should talk to me more.

and i sort of, love being around you.

welcome back to the past

Grade 5 speech day!

hello familiar stranger.

Its amazing how..
and one point in our lives,
we will be extremely close to a person.
then later on they become a complete stranger.
you will pass by them without a word. not a single sound.
expressionless
this person, who once knew you so well.
knew your fears, your desires, your hopes, your past, your future.
is now walking past you,
seeing right through

you like the fragile me best.

and the funny thing is.. you loved me when i was at my worst. and left when i was at my best. how does that make sense at all.

get over yourself. i dont love you anymore. not like i did.

you're just a memory. dont try and get back in. it's not happening.

every beautiful girl sees a monster in the mirror

reality sorta sucked.. until you came along.

i worry
i worry that mabey
i wasn't what you were expecting.
i worry that you'll remember that you can do better then me.
i worry that i'm just not good enough.

"When I was little...I played on Neopets. Not Facebook. I played with a game boy. Not a cell phone. I wore stick on earrings. Not diamond ones. I went on play dates. Not dates. I watched SpongeBob. Not Jersey Shore. I listened to Cd's on a Cd player. Not rap music on an iPod The best come back was I know you are but what am I? Not that's what she said. It is so crazy how kids have all this stuff now."

and the truth is even tho it was just a small hello. it made my day.
and i'm not going to like you again cause what i have right now. this baby crush is so simple.
and no ones getting hurt.
but if i like you again. im going to be back where i started.
so i think im just not going to think anything of it.
and just be your friend.

Think how many people have sat next to you on a bus, train, whatever. Now think how many people have sat next to you on purpose, with their fingers crossed in hope that you’ll talk to them. I’m sure somebody has. There’s plenty of times when somebody’s seen you and hoped that you spoke to them, but you never did, ‘cause you don’t have the guts, and neither do they. Don’t go around thinking nobody likes you and that you’re not loved, there’s been plenty of times when a stranger’s spotted you and thought “oh they’re just my type,” but haven’t had the courage or confidence to open their mouth and initiate a conversation, the funny thing is, neither have you.

and i sorta miss you everyday.

Let’s face it, we’ve changed. We’ve all changed. Somewhere between school ending and school starting. We’ve all gone in our own directions. Hearts were broken and friendships were fucked over. New loves started, and new people came into our lives. We no longer hang-out with our circle of friends that we thought that was going to be there for us “forever”. We no longer talk for hours about nothing at all. We’ve all changed. Some for the better and some for the worse.

never say sorry for what you feel.
it's like saying "sorry for being real."

i can honestly say. i wish this was my room.

dont worry. im not sitting around. thinking of you. i'm fine. just fine. without you.

i wanna hold you hand through this one

because i dont trust him

but i love that he makes you smile

and makes your hand go nuts

i just wish i knew that he was gunna be good for you

in the long run

because if he's just a smooth talker

looking for lust

then this isn't go by well with me

and if he isn't really sick

well i've had my fair share of liars

and so have you

and i hope that you'll leave him in the dust

but for now

im just gunna hold your hand through this

and be happy for you

your my late night booty call

i want these so flippin much!

better then aspirin, better then a band-aid, better then skipping school.

Just admit it. your a mess without me.

Just one day.

I want to walk out into the world.

A perfect world.

And i want to be your princess.

I want to look perfect all day long.

And act perfect all day long.

Perfectly imperfect.